Mood: Blur
Listening To: Glacius - Fragments of Belief









Of course, it's not done yet.  Ahhh.. I doubt many would find it interesting as I want to make it more to a guitar track.. but not too technical.. Just something simple.. Melodic .. and some parts to show off fretwork.. Hopefully.

Also, I managed to do a slight area with.. Uh.. Human pressure for the drums.. It sounds.. Good.  Well, I could've done it last time, but it would take a lot of serious work.. And I'm not entirely that dedicated.. Waiting for my midi keyboard - hopefully getting past next Thursday or so.  Hmmm.










Okay, so back to the call.  My ex-facilitator, ex-cathecism teacher and friend - Mr. Simon Chan, gave me a call just now.  Seems to me that he hopes that I can drop by Kolej General next Friday in the morning.  If all goes well, I should be able to make it as I need to be in my mum's office next week.  But, then again, I've got a strong feeling that I'll mostly make space for this little session.

I just received the outline of whatever I need to present to the form 4 and 5 cathecism candidates for this year during their initiation camp, and well, it's not too hard, now is it?  Just that I'm not entirely comfortable with the time limit, but I think I should fit in quite well - only if I'm myself on that day and if I dddddon't sckkrrreewwwwww u-u-u-u-up.










Funs.  Let's see what tricks do I have up my sleeves for this little .. "speech" of mine.  I've got a lot to say, and Simon knows that I tend to suprise the class in many aspects.










Then again - am I the right person to give a short sharing session to the next generation of the church?  We shall see..










I've got a motormouth.  I don't think I'm afraid.  LOL










Fragments of Belief.. Hmmmm..

Mood: Relieved?
Listening To: Ventilo. I need to use the Ctrl button, but it activates the mic when I do so -_-









I don't know what just struck me, but I just pulled off a massive prayer.

Since I couldn't get to the Mother Mary shrine back in my church as planned a few days ago due to unexpected plans (or laziness - you never know), I decided to pray at home. Where? In my parents' room. Beside the place where the person who cares, supported me, brought me up, and made me enter this religion - My father.

Seriously, I don't know what came over me, I ended up praying for myself, and continuing the prayer for everyone else that who's around me, and was once around me hoping they'd bang into a car or something while they ride their bikes. Oops. Secret terbocor. I also prayed for the cat that I killed last week, which was clearly an accident, but not the rat. Note that it wasn't me who drowned the rat!!










Something took over me, after I prayed. I went into my room, searched for an old and dusty cheese spread container, and took out the necklace I once wore when I was studying in Union. Maybe in standard 3 or 6, I can't remember. The cross that I wear, was given to me by my mum, after she took it out from the RHB safety deposit box. And the whole piece has never rusted, nor has it lost its never ending shine.

Yep. I have been ignoring my religion for the past few months, ever since I came back from National Service. And to think, I prayed every night before I slept, and attended mass nearly every week (Give me a break, man. NS makes you lose sleep, y'know? Lol). Maybe that's what would happen to me when I'm left with nobody. There's a human lifecycle going on, and once my parents are both buried 6 feet under, I guess this cross that hangs near my heart would make me remember who has given birth to me after they planned it maybe in mid March 1988.


In fact, I believe that me typing this out at this moment would be His very blessing. How lucky can people get? The last time I heard that some kid fell off his bicycle in front of Heng Ee, he got run over by a school bus. I got into an accident with Ah Hui's bike last July in front of Northam Hotel, and in front of SGGS with Paul's Jaguh this year, and what I only got was minor wounds. Call me crazy, but I believe it wasn't luck. It was the Big Man up there, giving me a chance.. or two, to live and appreciate my current state, even though it's not perfect.

Heck, nothing's perfect. What position are we in when we're not blessed with the right luck, right? I ain't complaining. I'm pretty comfortable with whatever I got. I want an Ibanez, but I'm stuck with a chaplang guitar, yet I grew into it. Toyota Camry, although it's not mine, but at least a car to drive without my mum knowing. Lol

I don't know if you all would believe me, but when I crashed in front of Northam Hotel, my whole life flashed in front of me. Literally. Flashbacks of my musical side, my parents, and those who has cared for me.

Yeah, crashing in front of Northam Hotel. The intersection between Gurney Drive, Kelawai Road and the road in front of that hospital. I managed to get up, look for Ah Hui's house keys, and rode off after I made sure everything was okay.

But WHAT if there was a car behind me?

I thought of that, and well, I'm thankful enough I'm still here.

The Jaguh incident in front of SGGS? It's a 3 lane road, 1pm in the afternoon. Don't tell me there are no cars there, right? I was lucky. Clearly my fault, because I never handled a discbrake properly.

I never prayed for my own safety, but I guess my "silent" prayer was answered, where I've been blessed with protection.

How about the time I was down in KL? Right after I came back, I had to hear news that made me fear the place. About those college students being murdered by gangsters and robbers. Thankful? You bet I am.










Emotions? Probably the most stunning news this year from be would be the breakup between me and Vanesa, where we lasted for 364 days. Just one day right before our anniversary, we broke up. I don't know who experienced this before, but it was a major heartache for me. Then again, I couldn't have brought myself up to my own feet, if it wasn't for you guys who has always been there for me. Even if it's just a mamak session, or me hanging around at your place, those events tend to make me keep my mind off that relationship. Although you guys are there, how has God helped me? Simple. God gives us gifts everyday. And I learnt this through the Confirmation Camp I attended at St. Anne's after I came back from NS this year. What was it?

God gives us gifts everyday - through the people around us.

There you go. He was always there when we least expect it. If you don't agree to what I just typed, fine. He was always there when I least expect it.










I felt a whole much more lighter praying. Although confession works better for everyone, I can never admit the sins I've performed.

The Cross, given by my mother. And I was brought into this religion by my father. The best way to remember my parents, is by hanging them around my heart.

Ultimately, He has given me the time, passion and strength to advance myself in the one thing some of you can remember me by - Music.










This is one entry I can never write everyday, as I would know how people would react to an entry about one's religion. That I can't blame anyone. But for those who has read, thank you for spending 10 to 15 minutes of your time to read my thoughts.

I never officially said this, but good luck for those who are going through their SPM, STPM and Final examination in colleges. Better late than never, right?










Now.. How do we get forgiven for always neglecting our religion..?

Mood: Tired
Listening To: Sugar Ray - When It's Over on Star Movies










Betrand.. Berand.. Bertrand.. It was the oddest confirmation name in the Immaculate Conception's Confirmation Class 2006. So odd, until nobody really knew how to pronounce it. It wasn't my choice as it was family tradition to have a confirmation name under your ancestors. The name, Bertrand, was my paternal grand father's name. I'm not the only Confirmed Sibert that has this name, as my other cousin in KL has chosen the same name for his confirmation name.

Others had names that followed saints.

27th August 2006 marks the day where this name will be signed and consealed into me. 27th August would be the Confirmation Mass at Immaculate Conception; a celebration for the future leaders of this church. Gladly, I was confirmed there. For more than 10 years, I have attended this church with my father. I attended every time he comes back, once a week, from Kuala Lumpur just to attend mass. This church has become a part of my life. Once Death takes its toll from my father, this church will be the place I will remember my father by. For years, I have been sitting on the upper wing while attending mass with my father. It would be one of the many ways to remember my father by.

Today, he could not be there, as he was attending his childhood friend's son's wedding in Kuantan along with my mother. I had to prepare for Confirmation, myself. And 2006, would be the year I'm doing it.

Yes. I was not supposed to be in the Confirmation Class of 2006. I was in the Confirmation Class of 2005, along with my friends who were the same age as me. It came to me on the same day when I was supposed to attend the 2nd interview session with Father Francis Xavier regarding my status in being Confirmed. I asked myself one question - the same question he asked me during my first interview session last year:


For a minute, I went brain dead, and skipped the 2nd interview session instead. I felt something telling me that I was not ready to be confirmed. Although there would be people out there who can convince me in rethinking about my decision. But I avoided that.

We can pull off any crimes in this world, gossip about others behind their backs, swear in public, run around naked, fight with others, so on and so forth. We can do all that; depending on individuals. But there's one thing I learnt when I asked myself that question.


It doesn't matter if you're a Christian, Muslim, Bhuddist or Hindu. In fact, I don't care what religion you're in. But whatever religion you worship, never ever lie or fool around with religion. You can hide it from the people you're mixing around with, but God has an eye for each and every one of His creations on Earth.

That was the reason why I skipped out on Confirmation in 2005, and decided to give it another go in 2006 - hoping that I would learn a thing or two in a new year, where I could start off fresh and new.


I learnt a few things, but my faith still remained low - just like what Father Francis Xavier said. I agree, and I admit it to everyone; even during the Confession session with Father Mark. But no matter how low our faith is, God loves us all. I knew that somehow, this spiritual journey takes time and experiences. I decided to get confirmed this year instead of waiting for my time to come. I would've been 55 years old or even older by then.

My faith still remains low, but if you were left alone in a new place where you have nobody to turn to, you will realise that you will have God by your side as he loves each and every one of us for who we are. I know how it feels, because I find myself praying every night when I was in National Service for 3 months - away from the place I call "home".

Whatever it is, I'm proud to say that I feel my faith growing continuously inside of me, after so long and taking this religion for granted. I'm not getting confirmed because it's a compulsary step in this religion, but it was because that the confirmation certificates this year looked more prettier than last year my faith will continue to grow as time passes to worship Him.

This topic is far and wide. I know I still have a lot to learn, but there's only one thing that makes me happy choosing this religion:


That's why we don't need to be someone we truly aren't. That's why I've given up a ring when I was asked to give out something that I didn't want for this occasion. I gave up this ring - which shows that I used to wear accessories and was somebody that I wasn't, just to be recognized.

Recognition isn't my aim. It was, but it isn't now. No matter how much I will change, I will live my life as it is; without any regrets. It's beautiful to know that God will love us for who we are, and not somebody we aren't. Why bother stressing yourself out being somebody you're not, then to take life easily by just being yourself?

With the Bishop's blessing with the Sacrament of Confirmation - I am whole, and almost complete. I dare to admit in public that my faith and belief isn't as much as others, but they're starting to grow naturally. It is religion that prepares us to face the unexpected - the death of our parents, loved ones and our future lives.

Life is beautiful. Cherish it.


Congratulations, Confirmation Class of 2006. There can never be an "I" in a "WE". When it was our hard work to pull everything off, together.



This article is for my cathecism teacher and facilitator, Simon Chan.

Mood: Satisfied.
Listening To: Backstreet Boys - Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely











Even though the world has turned into a corrupted one, where we have people who tend to challenge us in the world, forcing us to not show our true characters. How? Very simple. There are some people who has 2 faces. One would be the real one, and the other one is just fake. This would usually be practiced when it comes to topics where you can't voice out your own opinion even if it's wrong.

It's natural for someone to agree along with the bunch of people who has stated out so many points regarding the topic. And that's the only way for that person to "go with the flow"; where that person will try his or her best; to deny and hide his own facts just to stick close to the bunch of friends s/he has.

I received a couple of affirmation letters in my envelope during the Confirmation Retreat, and I'm suprised that nearly everybody asked me to stay the same (even the people I don't know wrote too.); as God has gave us our own unique personalities to lead on. Not to compare myself to others that I'm better or worse, but everybody's standards are equal. There is nobody who's better or worse than us.

I realised that I have my own mask. I guess that mask will be worn when I'm around various groups of people. But to the friends I'm close to, I take off that mask. How can you tell? Simple. If I happen to laugh a lot, share lots of jokes, come up with stupid theories and facts, sarcasm (a little. I was never good in sarcasm.) and everything else. But then again, I know myself very well. I do change myself when I'm around other people. I don't know who, nor can I remember who they are. I become a much more serious person, no jokes, quiet and all that. Maybe it's because I do not trust them? I don't know.

And sometimes, the state we all know as emo-ness would be the my ultimate attention seeker. Sometimes, I feel lonely, and I seek for attention. Gladly, I am noticed by people around me and I keep forgetting that. Now I guess why people start chanting to themselves about "Mind over matter". It works from time to time as we can't control the human emotions. They're like wild horses. If they're not tamed, they will run wild.

Therefore, I'm thankful for the mistakes and everything else that hasn't went my way. Why? Simple. They're simple blessed messages and experiences. The easier we get over/face them, the stronger we become, emotionally.


Hmm.. I guess the Confirmation Retreat had an effect on me. I have to admit that I learnt a thing or two on how to stand alone myself. And I believe that prayers would work, only if a community prays for you. Not your own prayers and your own words. A prayer is always stronger when someone else prays for you in terms of health, safety and everything else.


And no matter how many times I tend to pray, I always find myself asking for God's forgiveness for how we have ruined his creation - Earth.


I guess this is where Yin Yang comes into play. Nothing's ever perfect; when there is good, there is bad. When there is God, there is Satan. When there is the rich, there is the poor. When there is Microsoft, there is Mac/Apple. So on and so forth.

Taken from wikipedia.org:

Everything can be described as both yin and yang.

1. Yin and yang are opposites.

Everything has its opposite—although this is never absolute, only relative. No one thing is completely yin or completely yang. Each contains the seed of its opposite. For example, winter can turn into summer; "what goes up must come down".

2. Yin and yang are interdependent.

One cannot exist without the other. For example, day cannot exist without night. Light cannot exist without darkness.

3. Yin and yang can be further subdivided into yin and yang.

Any yin or yang aspect can be further subdivided into yin and yang. For example, temperature can be seen as either hot or cold. However, hot can be further divided into warm or burning; cold into cool or icy. Within each spectrum, there is a smaller spectrum; every beginning is a moment in time, and has a beginning and end, just as every hour has a beginning and end.

4. Yin and yang consume and support each other.

Yin and yang are usually held in balance—as one increases, the other decreases. However, imbalances can occur. There are four possible imbalances: Excess yin, excess yang, yin deficiency, and yang deficiency. During the switch to Daylight saving time, for example, there is more 'yin' than 'yang'. They can again be seen as a pair: by excess of yin there is a yang deficiency and vice versa. The imbalance is also a relative factor: the excess of yang "forces" yin to be more "concentrated".

5. Yin and yang can transform into one another.

At a particular stage, yin can transform into yang and vice versa. For example, night changes into day; warmth cools; life changes to death. However this transformation is relative too. Night and day coexist on Earth at the same time when shown from space.

6. Part of yin is in yang and part of yang is in yin.

The dots in each serve:

1. as a reminder that there are always traces of one in the other. For example, there is always light within the dark (e.g., the stars at night); these qualities are never completely one or the other.
2. as a reminder that absolute extreme side transforms instantly into the opposite, or that the labels yin and yang are conditioned by an observer's point of view. For example, the hardest stone is easiest to break. This can show that absolute discrimination between the two is artificial.

I guess that's why I realised how beautiful the picture I just recently edited. Not to say that it looks good, but the concept that was used. It's a reminder to me that everything happens for a reason. And also, God is in our lives. Through the people we love, and hate. I even think that accidents that I've gone through, are messages from God. Saying that there are still people in this world who still cares for me, and I'm never alone. Saying that you don't only get a chance of receiving speeding ticket from the police officers, also a chance to get a death ticket from Death himself.


I don't know who's going to read this besides the usual Multiply-ers. But to those who has attended the Immaculate Conception Confirmation Retreat 2006, I would like to say thanks for the memorable time and the affirmations you all have written. Together, we make this world; complete.




- Just stating my thoughts out. Life is beautiful.


PS.  I'm going to change my theme for Multiply.  "Skyline" gives too much problems.  There are bugs here and there -_-

Mood: Extremely Tired
Listening To: Television.









As stated in my previous blog, I was away for 3 days and 2 nights to attend the Confirmation Retreat; held at St. Anne's Domus in none other than Bukit Mertajam.  I think I finally fell in love with the church there because of its environment, and the way its built.  From the gardens, to the church itself.  The materials used, and everything else.  I'm telling you, that's how a church should be.  A holy ancient artifact..



Anyways, believe it or not, but this 3 day camp has made me realise so many things in life, and the religion I'm in.  At least I'm finally understanding whatever I'm going through a little bit more.  And for the first time, I nearly felt it: Jesus Christ's presence.  But I could not feel him like the others did.  My facilitator said that I have an obstacle that diverts his presence away from me.  Advised me to pray every single day to find out what that obstacle is, and I will demolish it myself, so I can feel Him inside of me.

It's a wonderful feeling; that I've never felt before in my life.  I felt emptiness for the 2nd time during the healing prayer, and that emptiness would be that "obstacle".  But, during the first time, my other facilitator startled me when he placed his hand on my right shoulder from behind.  Under a minute, I felt that his palm touched my spirit.  Literally.

From the shoulder; the feeling slowly spreaded towards my whole body, making me feel like I'm burning from the inside.

But before that, I observed the other Confirmation Candidates that night.  When Jesus Christ touched them, they lose control of their body, and enter a short term coma.  If they're standing, they would be supported from the back so they wouldn't get a hard fall while experiencing this wonderful moment.  After that, they would wake up; and sometimes, they would be in tears.  I found out from Vanesa that these tears, are tears to forgive a person, or people, who has hurt you a long time ago.  Tears of forgiveness, and they just flow out, after being touched by Jesus Christ.



Amazing, huh?  I don't know if you're going to be interested in this, but for the first time in my life, I found this very interesting.  It's beautiful.  It's.. life.

There's so much to write about when it comes to religion as its field is extremely wide.  So, I'll stick onto my own things that I did during the stay.


On the Penang Bridge, there was a major traffic jam caused by some accident.  Wow.  Everybody in the bus stared at it like as if they never seen one before.  I was busy reading Joe Satriani: Guitar Secrets.  A handy book for a rookie guitarist (I consider myself as one.)

But of course, one accident didn't make my day.  In fact, as we crossed the Bukit Mertajam borderline, there was ANOTHER accident.  Dope sial.  Something worth seeing; if I had a good camera with extremely fast capturing rate.  But I'm always equipped with a 6230i.




One car, and two motorcyclists involved.  Don't ask how.  When we arrived, this was the scene already.  On the other motorcycle near the Proton Iswara, I remembered I saw a thick, but small pool of blood.  It made me think that this motorcyclist was a rider who never wore his helmet; and bled straight from his head.  Gah.  There's that.

And during the beginning of the Retreat Trip, I was rather a lone ranger.  Maybe it's because during in class, I would usually sit beside Vanesa and not get to know others.  The others were at the back, being noisy like as if they're having a rave party.  But it's good to see these things.  A group of friends, doing nothing, but fun.  It's the bond that makes it so special.

So, after the motorcycle accident scene, we finally reached St. Anne's and found out that there's a dorm behind the church.  Called the St. Anne Domus.  Sweet.  We checked in the dorm, and I was in room 112 along with roommates Jonathan Tan and Ramsey Westwood.  Yippie.  No need feeling awkward in those two.  At least I know them a bit?

PS. Jonathan Tan is dope.  I'll see him one day in CLHS because he's in charge of the PA system.. Wahahahahah..

Just like in NS, it's always good to be friendly than to be quiet or arrogant.  Didn't really opened up during the time we got there because I was tired and sick.  Gah.  Met up in the Functions Room and I, alone, was assigned by my soon-to-be sponsor for the Confirmation day, Mark Tan.  Not to be mistaken the one who used to be in CLHS who switched to SXI, but he's the one who was from Uplands and then switched to SXi.  If i'm not mistaken, his name is Mark Tan Kiak Wen or something like that.

What did I do?  Wasn't a scout, but picked up a thing or two regarding knots related to building a Jury Mast during my NS community service, when we visited the TLDM (Tentera Laut DiRaja Malaysia), or for the lazy Malay-English translation - The Naval Base.

PS.  Jury Mast is a temporary replacement for the original mast, in case if it is damaged

And that day, we had to build a real Jury Mast.  Which means the size would be equal to the mast on an actual ship.  Cool, huh?


Anyways, with sucky rusty knot tieings, I managed to get my "assignment" done: