[Vai Freak] Glacius

I'm not even going to state my mood or what I'm listening to.

Just a few nights ago, I was reflecting back on my 18 years of life, and the only people who treats me with respect without getting bullied would be friends of the same age. Just tonight, I took an unexpected trip, damaging Paul's Gen2's spoiler and roof. I got squirted by the goddamn Gen2 rear wiper and nearly fell off after some baboon jammed on the brakes.

Lucky it wasn't that hard, or I would've gotten a few wounds.

Legalised, and fully fledged. I'm 18 and yet, I have never achieved much. For the past 18 years of my life, it has been about fun, fun and more fun.

What happened to hard work?

Here I go again, bitching about my assignments. Who the fuck ever gives a shit about assignments? Nobody listens to a kid ranting about his own work. Learn to shut up. Everybody goes through more tougher shit than a meer Diploma course, and others have already taken it up to a higher degree levels.

Then again, it's my parent's money on the line. If I don't fulfill whatever they say, I'll be rated as the black sheep of the family since I was never favoured.

Throughout my life, I was always being bullied. No matter how long peacefulness lasts, someone tends to come up right beside me and screws everything up for me.

Today, we have people conversing cantonese about going to which street to drop me off and leaving me alone with Penang's worst people. Prostitutes. Or man ladies.

Then we have drivers, being very conservative, sending SMSes though driving different cars about me being emo.

Tell me about it. With myself stressed with my fucked up assignments, while we have fucking malays going home to celebrate Raya, knowing shit about English and group assignments depending on the whole group's performance, tell me, should I feel fucking stressed or not?

Fuck it.

Last year, when Michelle called up to wish happy birthday, I was down with Add Maths due to SPM.

This year, I'm down with assignments. Should've said that I was busy or something when edmund gave me a call, when I was busy. Then again, I should learn how to kick back and relax. Fuck that mentality. Too much fun, Jean Louis. Too much fun.

Back in Dysnomia, I had a drummer who was never serious when it came to my thoughts in music. Giving a shit about how the band was going to turn out, never works.

Now in FDM? It's a lot better, but the results are nearly the same. Being the youngest in everything really sucks nuts more than anything else.

Sometimes over the net, multiply, at home, in college or wherever I go to, I get ignored through my thoughts, words and whatever I do. Funny that I always seem to crave for attention. But when I stopped craving for it, it's the same result as me, trying to get attention. I find it very difficult to really talk to someone nowadays.

Sayin' that friends will always be there. Sayin' that I'll not be taking any advantage of any friendship status or whatsoever. Well, whatever.





Give me a break la, you guys. Pushing me out of a 3.0cc car to get the attention of night passerbys, isn't my cup of tea. When you let a couple of jackass-wannabes organise a suprise go-fuck-some-prostitutes sort of birthday bash, they really can be jackasses.

I'm sick of being bullied. Verbally, and physically. From rappers, to blood-related brother. I'm in no mood to celebrate my birthday. Fucked up assignments.

Laugh all you want, about what has happened. Might as well break my leg and send me straight to the hospital in that case.

Somehow, I know I'm going to regret posting this journal up. But where else can I spread my thoughts instead of sharing it? Nobody ever hears, anyways.







"Who ask you to have your bithday today?"
".. It's not like I wished for it also."






Happy 18th birthday, Jean Louis. Way to go, retard.

For a few months already, I was being just sane - keeping things together when I get emotionally disturbed.  But tonight's the only night I can really snap after so long.